... and joe important writes:
From the Notebook: Whole Foods
From time to time I can be seen writing frantically in my notebook. Sometimes its story ideas, sometimes its just random thoughts, and sometimes its 'on the spot' observations. The following is an example of the latter.
Whole Foods on a Sunday, what the fuck was I thinking? They ought to consider renaming this place the "Thunderdome." Yet despite its weekend insanity...here I am...amongst the super elite, super athletic, and super beautiful. I feel strange amidst the giant diamond and platinum wedding rings and the bluetooth headsets. I'm just a quasi-hipster in need of a few provisions. I suspect if I avoid making any sudden movements I will go unnoticed.
The patrons in this place certainly have me on edge. I wonder if they know that I don't use ogranic toothpaste and that on occassion, I have placed my copy of the NY Times in the trash can....not the recycling bin. I wonder if they can smell the caged veal on my breath?
I want a better cart. I am currently using some s0rt of half-cart. If the shit were to hit the fan with these granolas I would be some serious trouble. Perhaps if I had a cart drapped in razor wire with a leather-clad, tweaked-up biker named "the Hammer" standing guard over its contents while wielding a 2x4 of construction grade pine....then I might feel at ease.I think I am being followed by a Lincoln Park yuppie...he was fairly easy to spot....he's got an unlit Churchill in his mouth. I can't help but to think of what Carlin said, "sometimes a cigar is a cigar and sometimes it is a big brown dick." He is also sporting a bluetooth headset and a Polo golf visor. What a tool. Oh and he is wearing sunglasses....because the commercial lighting of a supermarket is really intense. I bet he cheats on his wife....with a woman younger than his daughter. Typical 7 series driver.
And of course there has been a changing of the guards. The competent bagger has decided to go on break. I get the girl that according to managment "just isn't working out." She is not very quick and she skillfully drops two cans of chicken stock on top of my loaf of fresh bread....she must know that I like it smooshed. One can only hope she will grossly over fill one of the bags....oh wait...she is putting a bottle of wine on top of the bread too...that was a close one, I was worried she might bag it separtely. Phew! That was close!
posted by Joe Important
From time to time I can be seen writing frantically in my notebook. Sometimes its story ideas, sometimes its just random thoughts, and sometimes its 'on the spot' observations. The following is an example of the latter.
Whole Foods on a Sunday, what the fuck was I thinking? They ought to consider renaming this place the "Thunderdome." Yet despite its weekend insanity...here I am...amongst the super elite, super athletic, and super beautiful. I feel strange amidst the giant diamond and platinum wedding rings and the bluetooth headsets. I'm just a quasi-hipster in need of a few provisions. I suspect if I avoid making any sudden movements I will go unnoticed.
The patrons in this place certainly have me on edge. I wonder if they know that I don't use ogranic toothpaste and that on occassion, I have placed my copy of the NY Times in the trash can....not the recycling bin. I wonder if they can smell the caged veal on my breath?
I want a better cart. I am currently using some s0rt of half-cart. If the shit were to hit the fan with these granolas I would be some serious trouble. Perhaps if I had a cart drapped in razor wire with a leather-clad, tweaked-up biker named "the Hammer" standing guard over its contents while wielding a 2x4 of construction grade pine....then I might feel at ease.I think I am being followed by a Lincoln Park yuppie...he was fairly easy to spot....he's got an unlit Churchill in his mouth. I can't help but to think of what Carlin said, "sometimes a cigar is a cigar and sometimes it is a big brown dick." He is also sporting a bluetooth headset and a Polo golf visor. What a tool. Oh and he is wearing sunglasses....because the commercial lighting of a supermarket is really intense. I bet he cheats on his wife....with a woman younger than his daughter. Typical 7 series driver.
And of course there has been a changing of the guards. The competent bagger has decided to go on break. I get the girl that according to managment "just isn't working out." She is not very quick and she skillfully drops two cans of chicken stock on top of my loaf of fresh bread....she must know that I like it smooshed. One can only hope she will grossly over fill one of the bags....oh wait...she is putting a bottle of wine on top of the bread too...that was a close one, I was worried she might bag it separtely. Phew! That was close!
posted by Joe Important
posted by no more, no less at Wednesday, August 16, 2006
2 comments
